Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
