He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
