There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
