So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Houston, we have a squirter
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize