Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
