im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
