WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
