My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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