Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
