he puts the penis in happiness.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
