What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
