Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
