Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
