Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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