Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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