This is not my ceiling
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
