but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
