you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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