even my farts smell like vagina
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
