I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
