So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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