I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
