I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
