I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
