I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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