yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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