my phone needs a breathalizer
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
