2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
