There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
