i already hear my dad disowning me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
