Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
