the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just gargled with NyQuil
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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