Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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