fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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