i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
