His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
