so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
