I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
