Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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