just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
