I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
