dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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