she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
