I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
