my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
