can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
