Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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