we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
