she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
