I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
