We named our party play list daddy issues
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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