Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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