he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
